Over You
by H. Morgan
Summary: They all lost a friend that day, but he lost so much more. Inspired by the song Over You by Miranda Lambert. McNozzo, major character death.


**Summary:** They all lost a friend that day, but he lost so much more. Inspired by the song _Over You_ by Miranda Lambert.  
**Categories:** AU, McNozzo. Major character death, one-off. Tragedy.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own _NCIS_ or its characters, or the song. No money is made from this. It's just for fun.  
**Notes:** First it's short I know, but it's one-off anyway. I was trying to keep it a secret until the end on who actually died, not sure if I actually accomplished that though. I know what it's like to lose someone close as I've lost 4 people very close to me; two of my grandparents, an older brother and one of my best friends. Anyway, I hope I didn't make anyone cry too much (if at all) and please review!

* * *

It's always hard losing someone that you love. You always believe they are going to be there with you your whole life. Then something happens to shatter those beliefs. One day everything is fine and you're happy and they're happy. The next it's a whole new story and you just don't know how to handle it. Sure in the back of your mind you know you'll never outlive your grandparents or your own parents. It's different when it's your friend, your brother or sister, your significant other, your child. You never expect to lose one of them so soon, which makes it all the more harder to let go. To say goodbye.

The saying "It gets easier over time." is true, even if you don't believe it at first. There will always be those days that you just don't feel like facing the day. You just want to curl up into a ball under the blankets and forget about everything else, everyone else. But then there are those days when you remember those that you've lost and you smile. The memories remind you that there is still something outside that bedroom door. There are also those days that for no reason at all when you just start crying.

It's sudden and though you don't know what brought it on, you let go. Those days are what help you heal from the pain. Those are the days that no matter what you are doing, those that you have lost are right there with you. Nobody ever really leaves us. We have the memories, the photographs, the videos, their love in our hearts. We're constantly surrounded by loved ones who are there for each other. They know the pain you are feeling because they feel it too, have at some point in their own lives.

Standing around the six foot deep hole in the ground as the casket was lowered into it was the hardest part of the day for him. Surrounded by friends and family didn't change anything as he stood there. On either side of him he had someone dressed in black and holding his hands. He blocked out all the crying that surrounded him and concentrated on watching the casket being lowered. Inside was his best friend, his teammate, the love of his life. It had only been a week since it all happened but he had yet to be able to wrap his head around it. He was there when it had happened but he didn't want to remember. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to it be real anymore.

Seeing everyone dressed in black, seeing the grave site, seeing the tears and white roses clutched in people's hands, seeing the casket that held the man that he loved made it all real. That wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be back in the apartment he shared with him. The jazz music softly playing as they had dinner, the clicking of keys on the typewriter as they drowned out the low rumbling of the TV playing a movie. He wanted them to be at the park have a picnic, taking turns tossing the ball for Jethro the dog to fetch. He wanted to be joking around with his friends at work while solving a case.

He knew life wasn't fair and sometimes things happen that you never dreamed ever would or that you think you could have possibly changed. There wasn't a day of the week that didn't go by that he didn't wish it had been him and not the other man. It should have been him but it wasn't and there was no way to change that now, he knows this. It only makes it that much harder. He had been staying with Gibbs for the week after it happened. He couldn't bring himself to step foot into the now empty apartment. It wasn't empty of furniture but to him it was empty of life, of love. He knew he couldn't go back to it now, not without him by his side.

The words in his ear barely registered before he was being guided from the hole in the ground that held the man he had declared his love to only two years ago. He never protested as he was softly pushed into the backseat of the SUV and he barely registered himself resting his head on the shoulder of his ninja assassin friend as she sat next to him. He could see Gibbs driving and Abby in the passenger seat but he continued to stare ahead out the front windshield, not really seeing anything.

He followed them up the drive and into Gibbs' home where everyone was gathering to remember their fallen friend, brother, colleague, his lover. He sat in the recliner and watched the fire as he half listened to stories about his lover's childhood, of his first years working on the team at NCIS, of stories regarding his love. Not once did he speak but they all watched him. He knew they were worried about him. They had all lost a friend, a brother, a son that day but he lost so much more. He lost his best friend, his colleague, the love of his life.

He just wished he could go back to before Timothy McGee was gunned down by a rogue NCIS agent.


End file.
